Barmageddon

Readership,

On June 1 of 2010 Iowa City will implode. My journalism teacher (and yes, that is what I study) would probably say something like, "Jesus balls kid, let the issue die." But no. NO I WILL NOT! This issue is bigger than most think.

Let us break it down for the non-Iowa City...er.

The bars in the downtown section of our fair city have not been designated as "21 Only" - until now.

OH THE HUMANITY! What was the city council thinking when they did this to themselves? Shooting themselves in the foot is WAY too lenient of a term to describe this action. More like, they laid face up on the ground and let a horse mash their testes with a spiked horse shoe. Then when the horse was done mashing their potatoes, the councilpersons let it poo on their blood and filth covered chests.

Stupid decision council people. Stupid. Let's think about this from the standpoint of you for a second.

1) Iowa City bars flourish off of underage drinkers using fake ID's to purchase and consume boozery.

2) Cops can just sit on their cars smoking the pot they confiscated earlier in the day until bar close. Then, all they have to do is look for the Frodo Baggins lookin' freshmen and ask them to talk. These tard-sacks will soak their pants in fresh fear juice, and then guess what? Iowa City has $300 more dollars to spend on whatever the taxpayers want. Or however this city is run.

Here's where I think the underagers lost their battle. Chicago. Yep, you read me right. Chicago is the reason all hope is gone.

At the final meeting of appeal from "concerned bar owners" and "stand up members of the student body" one douche-nose dick head showed up to levy for the main revenue stream of this city. Wearing gym shorts, a baggy, knee hanging basket ball jersey, and the standard Chicago backwards Cubs baseball hat, he pleaded for the support of the council.

"Like, I think you should keep the bars open for kids under 21 cuz it's like, fun."

Thanks brohiem. You did wonders for your peers.

Now, I'm not saying that I'm not going to enjoy this turn of events. I hate the freshman bars just as much as anybody else. The pleading for you to buy beers for a table you've never met. The nasty high-school chicks dangling their... earrings for all to see. The lonely guy in the trench coat sitting in the corner with only one arm. Apparently he lost the other one in 'Nam.

Good Lord, I can't wait for those people to not be hogging the bar space, but I will not lie down and take a hit to my paycheck because some old farts decided they didn't want the place in Iowa City they never go to turn into, heaven forbid, FUN! We pay taxes so you'll listen to us, not so you can create a safe place to raise your grand kids.

So take these final words Iowa City Council Persons. You really dropped your collective dick in the dirt this time.

Sinseriously,

GOISPU