Readership,
On June 1 of 2010 Iowa City will implode. My journalism teacher (and yes, that is what I study) would probably say something like, "Jesus balls kid, let the issue die." But no. NO I WILL NOT! This issue is bigger than most think.
Let us break it down for the non-Iowa City...er.
The bars in the downtown section of our fair city have not been designated as "21 Only" - until now.
OH THE HUMANITY! What was the city council thinking when they did this to themselves? Shooting themselves in the foot is WAY too lenient of a term to describe this action. More like, they laid face up on the ground and let a horse mash their testes with a spiked horse shoe. Then when the horse was done mashing their potatoes, the councilpersons let it poo on their blood and filth covered chests.
Stupid decision council people. Stupid. Let's think about this from the standpoint of you for a second.
1) Iowa City bars flourish off of underage drinkers using fake ID's to purchase and consume boozery.
2) Cops can just sit on their cars smoking the pot they confiscated earlier in the day until bar close. Then, all they have to do is look for the Frodo Baggins lookin' freshmen and ask them to talk. These tard-sacks will soak their pants in fresh fear juice, and then guess what? Iowa City has $300 more dollars to spend on whatever the taxpayers want. Or however this city is run.
Here's where I think the underagers lost their battle. Chicago. Yep, you read me right. Chicago is the reason all hope is gone.
At the final meeting of appeal from "concerned bar owners" and "stand up members of the student body" one douche-nose dick head showed up to levy for the main revenue stream of this city. Wearing gym shorts, a baggy, knee hanging basket ball jersey, and the standard Chicago backwards Cubs baseball hat, he pleaded for the support of the council.
"Like, I think you should keep the bars open for kids under 21 cuz it's like, fun."
Thanks brohiem. You did wonders for your peers.
Now, I'm not saying that I'm not going to enjoy this turn of events. I hate the freshman bars just as much as anybody else. The pleading for you to buy beers for a table you've never met. The nasty high-school chicks dangling their... earrings for all to see. The lonely guy in the trench coat sitting in the corner with only one arm. Apparently he lost the other one in 'Nam.
Good Lord, I can't wait for those people to not be hogging the bar space, but I will not lie down and take a hit to my paycheck because some old farts decided they didn't want the place in Iowa City they never go to turn into, heaven forbid, FUN! We pay taxes so you'll listen to us, not so you can create a safe place to raise your grand kids.
So take these final words Iowa City Council Persons. You really dropped your collective dick in the dirt this time.
Sinseriously,
GOISPU
Thursday, May 27, 2010
Thursday, May 13, 2010
Sidewalk Taker-Upers
Reader,
It's been a while (pronounced H-wile). I'm going hit you with something that is very close to my heart. And I hope you take something from this rant.
If you are one of these people, I urge you, no PLEAD you to change your ways. I swear to God, if I have to move off the sidewalk while you are walking by yourself towards me down a 3 foot wide thoroughfare, I just might lose my mind and snap both of your ankles then watch you try and squirm your way to the hospital.
This stems from multiple run-ins with what I would like to call "dick heads." Iowa City residents are some of the most self absorbed individuals I have ever had the displeasure to meet.
Seriously, think about this. If you are walking by yourself and see someone, by themselves, walking in your direction, what is your first instinct? Mine is to reach towards my pistol that I like to pretend I have. Yours, if you are a "dick head" is to take up as much room as is possible and inconvenience everyone around you.
There have been multiple times my shoes have been bogged by wet grass because of you. Now I realize I live in a high population of pot smokers. This inhibits some reactions and I give you the benefit of a lagging system. But hear me out here. There is no way you are flying higher than a space shuttle and cannot see the passerby (me) at 2:40 p.m. in the afternoon.
I'm sick of it. Stop being a dick head and live in the real world. You remember the one I'm talking about right? The one where people are considerate and MOVE OVER.
Thank you and I hope you learn something from this,
GOISPU
It's been a while (pronounced H-wile). I'm going hit you with something that is very close to my heart. And I hope you take something from this rant.
If you are one of these people, I urge you, no PLEAD you to change your ways. I swear to God, if I have to move off the sidewalk while you are walking by yourself towards me down a 3 foot wide thoroughfare, I just might lose my mind and snap both of your ankles then watch you try and squirm your way to the hospital.
This stems from multiple run-ins with what I would like to call "dick heads." Iowa City residents are some of the most self absorbed individuals I have ever had the displeasure to meet.
Seriously, think about this. If you are walking by yourself and see someone, by themselves, walking in your direction, what is your first instinct? Mine is to reach towards my pistol that I like to pretend I have. Yours, if you are a "dick head" is to take up as much room as is possible and inconvenience everyone around you.
There have been multiple times my shoes have been bogged by wet grass because of you. Now I realize I live in a high population of pot smokers. This inhibits some reactions and I give you the benefit of a lagging system. But hear me out here. There is no way you are flying higher than a space shuttle and cannot see the passerby (me) at 2:40 p.m. in the afternoon.
I'm sick of it. Stop being a dick head and live in the real world. You remember the one I'm talking about right? The one where people are considerate and MOVE OVER.
Thank you and I hope you learn something from this,
GOISPU
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
Movie Review; Lightspeed -- NO SPOILERS OF ANY NOTE
Reader,
I will not lie to you. I watched the movie Lightspeed this afternoon, for fifteen minutes. I hate my life because of it. These are the series of events that led up to this scathing review.
I received a text from my brother, and here it is. "Watch the movie lightspeed on netflicks. Holy Shitty sci fi movie" I know some words are misspelled but that is not the point. The point is that I wish I would have read his text to the end. I did not. My cursor was found wandering the Netflix instant que page with trepidation, but my actions were already done. I had clicked the wonderful blue "Play" button and then it happened.
The movie started, and I want the time, and click, back. This movie is awful. In the course of the fifteen minutes of viewage, something was going on, but I didn't give the movie time enough to explain itself to me. My interest was peaked when the dead body of a guard was ascending an escalator. My interest plummeted by the time his corpse reached the top of these mobile stairs. (Time: 3 seconds).
I am appalled that Hollywood would even let Sci Fi movies print their poor excuses for movies. With such great titles as the amazing "Mansquito," "Cerberus," "Giant Squid vs. Great White" (or whatever that one is) I say it is high time Sci Fi movies was bombed.
Please stop the production on whatever your next movie is. I am sure I, and the rest of America, will hate every moment of it, from the poorly executed opening credits to the terrible caliber of actor you are stuck with. If you, Sci Fi, are wondering why you have never won any kind of notable award for your movies, please take a seat, pop in your latest creation, and hide the noose.
I give this movie, or at least the fifteen minutes of it I watched, .2 stars. The only reason you got a partial star is because I now know that whatever I can produce will shine next to this poor excuse for a high school film project. I look forward to hearing from you, both the reader and Sci Fi.
Thank you,
GOISPU
I will not lie to you. I watched the movie Lightspeed this afternoon, for fifteen minutes. I hate my life because of it. These are the series of events that led up to this scathing review.
I received a text from my brother, and here it is. "Watch the movie lightspeed on netflicks. Holy Shitty sci fi movie" I know some words are misspelled but that is not the point. The point is that I wish I would have read his text to the end. I did not. My cursor was found wandering the Netflix instant que page with trepidation, but my actions were already done. I had clicked the wonderful blue "Play" button and then it happened.
The movie started, and I want the time, and click, back. This movie is awful. In the course of the fifteen minutes of viewage, something was going on, but I didn't give the movie time enough to explain itself to me. My interest was peaked when the dead body of a guard was ascending an escalator. My interest plummeted by the time his corpse reached the top of these mobile stairs. (Time: 3 seconds).
I am appalled that Hollywood would even let Sci Fi movies print their poor excuses for movies. With such great titles as the amazing "Mansquito," "Cerberus," "Giant Squid vs. Great White" (or whatever that one is) I say it is high time Sci Fi movies was bombed.
Please stop the production on whatever your next movie is. I am sure I, and the rest of America, will hate every moment of it, from the poorly executed opening credits to the terrible caliber of actor you are stuck with. If you, Sci Fi, are wondering why you have never won any kind of notable award for your movies, please take a seat, pop in your latest creation, and hide the noose.
I give this movie, or at least the fifteen minutes of it I watched, .2 stars. The only reason you got a partial star is because I now know that whatever I can produce will shine next to this poor excuse for a high school film project. I look forward to hearing from you, both the reader and Sci Fi.
Thank you,
GOISPU
Friday, December 4, 2009
Queers Gettin Hitched
Readership,
I'm gonna kick this new leg off with a boomer of a topic. Homosexicals gettin married.
Recently, the New York legislature branch of legislating voted down a bill allowing gays the same rights as the rest of us. The legal right to share a tax form and insurance. Touche New York. Where do these people get off feeling like they have the right to the same rights as the rest of the world?
Do we remember what happened when we gave rights to the black people in America? First, they became legal citizens given the same rights: voting, property ownership, the constitutional right to pursue happiness. Then, they gained the balls to even participate in government and society. Hell, they are even allowed to GOLF!!! Now we can't even call them black, they want African American, or Chocolate Face, or homeboy, or whatever the new one is. What have we, the white owners of WHITE AND STRAIGHT America, created? An equal member of society? NO I SAY! We have created an equal member of humanity! THE AUDACITY OF US!
Now, the queers want the same rights? Where do they get off asking for the simple ability to live together in a LEGAL UNION??? Why should two people who love each other enough to devote their lives to one another be allowed to have their names on the same tax return policy? Shame on these people for wanting to get a tax cut. Shame on them for wanting to legally profess their love! SHAME ON THEM!
My opinion, lets keep a closed mind. New York was right. These THINGS are not people, and should not be allowed to be happy! Keep the gay men and hot lesbians in the closet where they belong!
Sincerely,
Your political authority,
GOISPU
I'm gonna kick this new leg off with a boomer of a topic. Homosexicals gettin married.
Recently, the New York legislature branch of legislating voted down a bill allowing gays the same rights as the rest of us. The legal right to share a tax form and insurance. Touche New York. Where do these people get off feeling like they have the right to the same rights as the rest of the world?
Do we remember what happened when we gave rights to the black people in America? First, they became legal citizens given the same rights: voting, property ownership, the constitutional right to pursue happiness. Then, they gained the balls to even participate in government and society. Hell, they are even allowed to GOLF!!! Now we can't even call them black, they want African American, or Chocolate Face, or homeboy, or whatever the new one is. What have we, the white owners of WHITE AND STRAIGHT America, created? An equal member of society? NO I SAY! We have created an equal member of humanity! THE AUDACITY OF US!
Now, the queers want the same rights? Where do they get off asking for the simple ability to live together in a LEGAL UNION??? Why should two people who love each other enough to devote their lives to one another be allowed to have their names on the same tax return policy? Shame on these people for wanting to get a tax cut. Shame on them for wanting to legally profess their love! SHAME ON THEM!
My opinion, lets keep a closed mind. New York was right. These THINGS are not people, and should not be allowed to be happy! Keep the gay men and hot lesbians in the closet where they belong!
Sincerely,
Your political authority,
GOISPU
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
New Direction . . . And Not the Cardinal Kind
Caring and numerous followers,
Well, it's official. Since I've been blogging fairly inconsistently for over the past few month I think it's finally time to take this little social experiment to the next level.
I know, the Russians in the audience are all like, "No way, judging from his profile pic, he is way to dashing of a gentleman to actually get elected to the Cuban prime ministry." And I respond, neigh Russian with a distinctly British speech pattern. I will resign my candidacy for the Cuban Off White House, it is time to bring this blog into the twenthieth century.
Current events and other stuff like them but not necessarily of equal importance.
No, I will not include my personal feelings on any specific topic. I am going to try and be as objective as possible and just give you, the unappreciative reader, a non biased look into some of the country's and the world's most poignant mishaps, misproofs, and good stuff too.
No left wing tear jerking from this right wing political analyst to the country. No elephant here tromping all up and down the donkey of stupidity. No little sayings about politics that I have no context for or any understanding of what they actually mean.
This is a new and exciting journey. Come join me in space . . . the final frontier.
GOISPU
Well, it's official. Since I've been blogging fairly inconsistently for over the past few month I think it's finally time to take this little social experiment to the next level.
I know, the Russians in the audience are all like, "No way, judging from his profile pic, he is way to dashing of a gentleman to actually get elected to the Cuban prime ministry." And I respond, neigh Russian with a distinctly British speech pattern. I will resign my candidacy for the Cuban Off White House, it is time to bring this blog into the twenthieth century.
Current events and other stuff like them but not necessarily of equal importance.
No, I will not include my personal feelings on any specific topic. I am going to try and be as objective as possible and just give you, the unappreciative reader, a non biased look into some of the country's and the world's most poignant mishaps, misproofs, and good stuff too.
No left wing tear jerking from this right wing political analyst to the country. No elephant here tromping all up and down the donkey of stupidity. No little sayings about politics that I have no context for or any understanding of what they actually mean.
This is a new and exciting journey. Come join me in space . . . the final frontier.
GOISPU
Friday, November 20, 2009
Is It Wrong?
Dearest walkabouters,
I find i do most of my inner ponderings whilst going for a walkabout, much like a bum. It is not different for the last journey I partook.
This will be short.
While walking back from retrieving a book from a classmate to write a paper till three in the morning, I stopped at the local Kum and Go. I purchased a FastBreak candy bar and started the trek back home. While crossing the street, keeping my distance from the lady crossing in the other direction because I have the outer appearance of a mass raper, I struck my opened candy bar against my leg. The chocolate delight fell from my grasp and landed EATEN SIDE DOWN in the middle of the street.
Now here's my question. Is it wrong that i bent down, blew off the dirt from the candy bar and continued to chomp without giving a second thought?
Thank you,
GOISPU
I find i do most of my inner ponderings whilst going for a walkabout, much like a bum. It is not different for the last journey I partook.
This will be short.
While walking back from retrieving a book from a classmate to write a paper till three in the morning, I stopped at the local Kum and Go. I purchased a FastBreak candy bar and started the trek back home. While crossing the street, keeping my distance from the lady crossing in the other direction because I have the outer appearance of a mass raper, I struck my opened candy bar against my leg. The chocolate delight fell from my grasp and landed EATEN SIDE DOWN in the middle of the street.
Now here's my question. Is it wrong that i bent down, blew off the dirt from the candy bar and continued to chomp without giving a second thought?
Thank you,
GOISPU
Monday, November 16, 2009
All Hope Is Gone
My dearest wanderers,
My hope in humanity has been lost. It is not that America is slowly decaying into what I can only imagine is the greatest socialist nation in the world. It is not that my bank funds jingle with the small amount of change left in them. It is that Game Stop has left me hanging.
After last week's midnight launch of Modern
Warfare 2 I was ridiculously jacked to pick up my copy of another great killing game, Assassin's Creed II. I attended the midnight launch of one of my favorite games, and anticipated another great Tuesday morning splattering the blood of innocents. But nay, instead I am subdued to blogging my feelings for all the non caring masses to read and pity.
Heed my words internet fans. If my game is not in tomorrow morning at the promised ten o'clock, I may cease to waste my words on this infernal computer network.
Pity me,
GOISPU
My hope in humanity has been lost. It is not that America is slowly decaying into what I can only imagine is the greatest socialist nation in the world. It is not that my bank funds jingle with the small amount of change left in them. It is that Game Stop has left me hanging.
After last week's midnight launch of Modern
Warfare 2 I was ridiculously jacked to pick up my copy of another great killing game, Assassin's Creed II. I attended the midnight launch of one of my favorite games, and anticipated another great Tuesday morning splattering the blood of innocents. But nay, instead I am subdued to blogging my feelings for all the non caring masses to read and pity.
Heed my words internet fans. If my game is not in tomorrow morning at the promised ten o'clock, I may cease to waste my words on this infernal computer network.
Pity me,
GOISPU
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
