Movie Review; Lightspeed -- NO SPOILERS OF ANY NOTE

Reader,

I will not lie to you. I watched the movie Lightspeed this afternoon, for fifteen minutes. I hate my life because of it. These are the series of events that led up to this scathing review.

I received a text from my brother, and here it is. "Watch the movie lightspeed on netflicks. Holy Shitty sci fi movie" I know some words are misspelled but that is not the point. The point is that I wish I would have read his text to the end. I did not. My cursor was found wandering the Netflix instant que page with trepidation, but my actions were already done. I had clicked the wonderful blue "Play" button and then it happened.

The movie started, and I want the time, and click, back. This movie is awful. In the course of the fifteen minutes of viewage, something was going on, but I didn't give the movie time enough to explain itself to me. My interest was peaked when the dead body of a guard was ascending an escalator. My interest plummeted by the time his corpse reached the top of these mobile stairs. (Time: 3 seconds).

I am appalled that Hollywood would even let Sci Fi movies print their poor excuses for movies. With such great titles as the amazing "Mansquito," "Cerberus," "Giant Squid vs. Great White" (or whatever that one is) I say it is high time Sci Fi movies was bombed.

Please stop the production on whatever your next movie is. I am sure I, and the rest of America, will hate every moment of it, from the poorly executed opening credits to the terrible caliber of actor you are stuck with. If you, Sci Fi, are wondering why you have never won any kind of notable award for your movies, please take a seat, pop in your latest creation, and hide the noose.

I give this movie, or at least the fifteen minutes of it I watched, .2 stars. The only reason you got a partial star is because I now know that whatever I can produce will shine next to this poor excuse for a high school film project. I look forward to hearing from you, both the reader and Sci Fi.

Thank you,

GOISPU

Queers Gettin Hitched

Readership,

I'm gonna kick this new leg off with a boomer of a topic. Homosexicals gettin married.

Recently, the New York legislature branch of legislating voted down a bill allowing gays the same rights as the rest of us. The legal right to share a tax form and insurance. Touche New York. Where do these people get off feeling like they have the right to the same rights as the rest of the world?

Do we remember what happened when we gave rights to the black people in America? First, they became legal citizens given the same rights: voting, property ownership, the constitutional right to pursue happiness. Then, they gained the balls to even participate in government and society. Hell, they are even allowed to GOLF!!! Now we can't even call them black, they want African American, or Chocolate Face, or homeboy, or whatever the new one is. What have we, the white owners of WHITE AND STRAIGHT America, created? An equal member of society? NO I SAY! We have created an equal member of humanity! THE AUDACITY OF US!

Now, the queers want the same rights? Where do they get off asking for the simple ability to live together in a LEGAL UNION??? Why should two people who love each other enough to devote their lives to one another be allowed to have their names on the same tax return policy? Shame on these people for wanting to get a tax cut. Shame on them for wanting to legally profess their love! SHAME ON THEM!

My opinion, lets keep a closed mind. New York was right. These THINGS are not people, and should not be allowed to be happy! Keep the gay men and hot lesbians in the closet where they belong!

Sincerely,
Your political authority,

GOISPU

New Direction . . . And Not the Cardinal Kind

Caring and numerous followers,

Well, it's official. Since I've been blogging fairly inconsistently for over the past few month I think it's finally time to take this little social experiment to the next level.

I know, the Russians in the audience are all like, "No way, judging from his profile pic, he is way to dashing of a gentleman to actually get elected to the Cuban prime ministry." And I respond, neigh Russian with a distinctly British speech pattern. I will resign my candidacy for the Cuban Off White House, it is time to bring this blog into the twenthieth century.

Current events and other stuff like them but not necessarily of equal importance.

No, I will not include my personal feelings on any specific topic. I am going to try and be as objective as possible and just give you, the unappreciative reader, a non biased look into some of the country's and the world's most poignant mishaps, misproofs, and good stuff too.

No left wing tear jerking from this right wing political analyst to the country. No elephant here tromping all up and down the donkey of stupidity. No little sayings about politics that I have no context for or any understanding of what they actually mean.

This is a new and exciting journey. Come join me in space . . . the final frontier.

GOISPU

Is It Wrong?

Dearest walkabouters,

I find i do most of my inner ponderings whilst going for a walkabout, much like a bum. It is not different for the last journey I partook.

This will be short.

While walking back from retrieving a book from a classmate to write a paper till three in the morning, I stopped at the local Kum and Go. I purchased a FastBreak candy bar and started the trek back home. While crossing the street, keeping my distance from the lady crossing in the other direction because I have the outer appearance of a mass raper, I struck my opened candy bar against my leg. The chocolate delight fell from my grasp and landed EATEN SIDE DOWN in the middle of the street.

Now here's my question. Is it wrong that i bent down, blew off the dirt from the candy bar and continued to chomp without giving a second thought?

Thank you,
GOISPU

All Hope Is Gone

My dearest wanderers,

My hope in humanity has been lost. It is not that America is slowly decaying into what I can only imagine is the greatest socialist nation in the world. It is not that my bank funds jingle with the small amount of change left in them. It is that Game Stop has left me hanging.

After last week's midnight launch of Modern Warfare 2 I was ridiculously jacked to pick up my copy of another great killing game, Assassin's Creed II. I attended the midnight launch of one of my favorite games, and anticipated another great Tuesday morning splattering the blood of innocents. But nay, instead I am subdued to blogging my feelings for all the non caring masses to read and pity.




Heed my words internet fans. If my game is not in tomorrow morning at the promised ten o'clock, I may cease to waste my words on this infernal computer network.

Pity me,
GOISPU

The Hobo Hubub

Dear Stumbler,

I think you and I can agree. The world is way too complicated, and Billy had it right. The world IS a vampire. We can work one full hour at a minimum wage job so we can afford three oranges. We work two hours and can afford 500 pages for our printers. We work three hours and HEY, we have five gallons of gas to drive somewhere where we have to work twelve hours to pay for the food we eat!

Lets take a step back, devolve to a simpler creature, lose all worries the world piles on top of our over-burdened shoulders and become bums.

Look at these people. Have you seen anyone else in the world so damn happy? I doubt it (unless you know crack heads, and in that case, they are probably bums anyways, just to prove my point). Walking down the street today after yet another enjoyable Spanish class, I followed one of these creatures. Slowly slinking down the cracked sidewalk, this embodiment of self service and cigarettes was enjoying everything about life at that exact moment.

While I was contemplating my over loaded homework schedule, this magnificent human was wondering where he was going to walk for his afternoon stroll. I was thinking about joining the Army to pay the bills, and he was thinking about how great his Pall Mall's tasted.

I want to be that man. I want to forget the problems of an overactive, over-priced world and slowly stumble into my cardboard box, only to masturbate my problems away and wake up in the morning refreshed.

Maybe I'm insane. Maybe I'm a loser wannabe. Maybe I've lost ambition. Or maybe, JUST MAYBE, I'm a genius you all want to follow.

It's your call internet wanderers.

Thank you,
GOISPU

Stool-top Revelations

Dear stumbler,

Recently coming from a class where I have been surpassed on the intelligence level by four hundred thousandfold, I feel as if I have to justify my own mind to the uninterested masses.

I may not be able to hold full conversations with people, I may not be able to eat sturgeon escargot, I may not have the capabilities to devote my attention fully to anything for more than . . .

But I can have fanciful revelations while sitting boldly and proudly atop my vomit stained toilet.

Many people need to experience a shocking radicalization of self to purport a new stance on the meaning of life, love, and the pursuit of happiness. They have not the cognitive fortitude to search the self and discover that every moment in their existence is finite, infinitely done the moment the second has passed.

These people are fools. It takes not a horrific disemboweling of previously held stances. It requires not a revelation from the pages of a mystic book. It needs not the chance acquaintance of a terminally ill cancer patient telling you to ride bulls and venture forth into the wide world of skydiving. Just drop trow, take a seat atop your throne, wrench out a healthy drop of the shit you pack yourself full of, and look into it. Take a deep gaze into what you are truly constructed of, and realize that the blink you just squeezed out at your own ridiculousness is the last one you will have at that exact moment in time.

Your life will end, and you cannot change that. Make every blink count because it is the last one.

Sincerely,
GOISPU

I'm Here, and You're Welcome

Dear person who randomly stumbled upon this useless page,

So here's a question. If you're mind is packed full of stupid thoughts, you feel like you're ideas are the bee's knees, and you want everyone to know just how ridiculously smart you are, where do you put these thoughts so you can add to the pollution of mass media?

You guessed it, Facebook statuses.

But if you can't do that why not a blog?!!!

This is an experiment and an adventure into the inner workings of sociopathic, narcissistic, masochist. Come and join me on my journey to social approval and eventually becoming president of Cuba.

We can only do this together. I love you all . . . until you piss me off.

Thanks,
GOISPU